you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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