I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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