The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
