How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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