I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it's like iHOP with fire
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
