if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
