I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
