somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Im part way to drunk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
