hotel room ftw
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
