Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
