So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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