If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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