Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
