and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
