I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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