I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
