if you like me you must not know who I am
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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