Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
