Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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