I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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