I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
