You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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