I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
