He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
