I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
