my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
