once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
