Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
