My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
