I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
