i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
