I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
handjob tips. give me some.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
