just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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