Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
