Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
