I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
