That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
