I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
