..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My sheets look like a crime scene.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
