I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
