You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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