watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
