Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
