I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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