just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
