He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
