Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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