i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
