I showed him my bush... on skype.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
