you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
