dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
