Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
