The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
